The faster you get defensive, the closer they probably hit.

A sharp reaction usually marks a sore spot. Criticism that is simply wrong is easy to shrug off, while criticism that lands near something you already suspect about yourself produces a fast, loud defense, because it is guarding a tender place. The speed itself is the information. It does not mean the other person is right about everything, only that something in there is live.

Next time you feel that surge, say you will think about it and go quiet for a day. Then ask which small part of it was true. You can reject most of a comment and still keep the useful tenth of it.