The night before surgery, nobody needs a pep talk. They need someone to sit there. Remember that for your friends.

Before something frightening, encouragement can land as pressure, because it quietly asks the person to feel better than they do. Presence asks nothing at all. Sitting with someone says you are not going anywhere, without requiring them to perform optimism for your benefit. Most of the time that is what is actually wanted, and it is also the thing people feel least confident offering.

When a friend is facing something hard, turn up without a speech prepared. Sit, watch something, say little. If you are unsure what to offer, admitting you do not know what to say beats filling the room with reassurance.