“You’re nice” gets forgotten. “You noticed when I went quiet” gets remembered.
GRATITUDE
WHAT THIS MEANS
General compliments describe a category and specific ones describe a moment, and only the second is evidence that somebody was paying attention. Being called nice could be said to anybody, which is exactly why it slides off. Naming the actual thing proves it was seen, and that is what people keep for years. Specificity is the whole difference between a pleasantry and being known.
Think of somebody who did something for you that they probably do not know you noticed, and tell them the specific thing. Say what it was and when. One sentence from you, and they will hold onto it.
A QUESTION TO SIT WITH
Which compliment do you still remember because it named something real?
MORE IN COMMUNICATION & LANGUAGE
- Watch a show in a language you don’t speak and you’ll still catch who’s angry. Tone carries a lot on its own.
- When your stepmom says something that lands wrong, ask what she meant before you decide what she meant.
- Everybody’s voice cracks sometimes. Keep talking. The room forgets it faster than you will.
Free, with nothing to buy inside it.