Grace doesn’t pretend the mistake was small. It just refuses to make you small because of it.

Being let off is not the same as being told it did not matter. The mistake keeps its actual size, which is the only honest way to handle it. What changes is the conclusion drawn about you: a person who did a bad thing, rather than a bad thing with a person attached. Shrinking yourself is not the same as taking responsibility, though the two get confused.

Separate them the next time you get something wrong. Write what you did and what you owe, in plain terms. Then stop before the sentence that turns it into a description of you.