Wrestling with God is still holding on to Him.

Struggle is not the opposite of commitment. In the old story a man grapples all night and will not let go until he gets an answer, which is a strange image for devotion and an accurate one. People who argue hard are still in the room. Walking away quietly is the only real departure.

If you are in a difficult stretch with all this, do not treat the difficulty as proof you should stop. Keep asking the question that bothers you most, out loud and unresolved. Holding on badly still counts as holding on.