The people who raised you made mistakes and sacrifices at the same time. You’re allowed to see both.

Two things can sit in the same person without cancelling out. Somebody can have got real things wrong and also gone without so you would not have to, and no honest account of them picks only one column. People who raised you want the second story told and the first one dropped; the pull in you may be to do the reverse. Neither version alone is the truth.

If you are carrying something here, you are allowed to hold both without rushing to a verdict. Say the thanks you mean when you mean it, and leave the harder part for when you have the room.