When two friends are fighting, the leader in the group doesn’t pick a side first. They pick a time to talk.

Taking a side early feels like loyalty and locks the argument in place, because now there are teams and somebody has to lose. The useful move is slower and much less satisfying: get them in the same place when neither is at their worst, and let them do the talking. Picking a moment is a decision too, just not one that gets you thanked immediately.

Resist the pull to agree with whoever reaches you first. Say you want to hear both, then set a time and a place. Afterwards, stay out of the retelling.