Whatever you say to yourself in your head, say it like you’d say it to a friend who’s struggling.

The way you talk to yourself is a habit, and habits mostly get inherited without ever being examined. Most people are careful and fair with a struggling friend, then use a tone on themselves they would never say out loud. The gap is not about who deserves what. It survives because nobody is listening, so nothing corrects it.

Next time you catch the sharp version, rewrite the sentence as you would say it to somebody you like. Out loud if you are alone, since hearing it lands differently. Aim for fair rather than cheerful, because friends tell the truth and simply do it kindly.