When a friend shares a struggle, don’t rush to match it with yours. Let theirs have the floor first.

Matching a story feels like empathy and lands like competition. When somebody finally says the hard thing and the reply is your own version, the subject quietly becomes you, and they are left having to be interested in your situation instead of being heard in theirs. The instinct behind it is usually good. The effect is that the conversation gets taken away.

Next time, hold your story and ask a second question instead: how long has it been like that, what is the worst part. Let a silence sit rather than filling it. Your experience can come later, offered as help rather than as a trade.