Keep grudges short. A three-year cold war over a borrowed hoodie isn’t worth the space.

A grudge costs the person holding it more than the person it is aimed at. It needs maintenance, it has to be remembered and defended, and it quietly removes someone from your life who was not actually dangerous. The original offense usually shrinks while the grudge grows, until the whole thing is being carried out of habit. Most of them are about something the size of a hoodie.

Pick the oldest one you are still running and ask what it would take to end it. Often a single ordinary message is enough, with no accounting of who did what. You are not conceding anything, you are getting the space back.