Comparing yourself to friends? Notice how often you pick the category you’re winning in.

Comparison looks like measurement but usually works like comfort. Your mind scans for a yardstick that puts you ahead and then calls that one the obvious category, so the yardstick keeps moving while the verdict stays the same. That is also why comparing never settles anything. The next person is better at the next thing, and the scanning starts again.

Catch it in the act this week: when you notice yourself ranking, ask who chose the category. Then try the harder question, which is whether you are getting better at the thing you care about. That one does not need anybody else in the room.