The first time you hear a family story, you may inherit a memory without an experience.

Family stories install memories. Hear something told well enough, often enough, and it takes on the texture of something you were present for, complete with imagined detail you supply yourself. You end up carrying a recollection of an event that happened to somebody else, and it can shape you as firmly as anything you actually witnessed.

When a family memory feels vivid, ask whether you were there. Not to discard it, since inherited stories are part of belonging, but to know what kind of thing you are holding. It matters most when the story is doing work, explaining why the family is careful about something.