Being misunderstood can hurt more when the misunderstanding resembles something you fear is true.

Being misread stings most when the misreading is close to a private fear. If you suspect you are selfish and someone calls you selfish, the reaction is disproportionate not because they are right but because they have touched the doubt you already carry. The pain is coming from inside rather than from the accuracy of the accusation.

When a criticism lands unusually hard, ask what you were already afraid of. That question is more useful than defending yourself. And it often reveals that the work to do is with the fear rather than with the person who spoke.