A private fantasy can reveal whose approval has been silently directing your public choices.

Daydreams have casting. Notice who is in the room in your imagined moment of success, whose face registers it, whose reaction completes the scene, and you have found whose approval has been steering things. It is often somebody you would not name if asked directly, and sometimes somebody no longer in your life.

Run the scene once, deliberately, and identify the audience. Then ask whether you want that person holding the standard. You cannot easily stop wanting someone’s approval, and you can at least know you are doing it.