A friendship’s geography includes where you can be tired without being interpreted.

One of the truest measures of closeness is where you can be tired without it meaning something. In most company, flatness gets read: you are upset, distant, not enjoying yourself. With a few people it is simply tiredness, and no interpretation is applied. That absence of interpretation is a form of safety.

Count who is on that list for you, and notice that it may be shorter than your list of close friends. And consider offering it more often than you do: letting someone be dull, quiet, or unresponsive in your company without asking what is wrong. It is a small thing to give and a rare thing to receive.