People should not have to fail a test before discovering they were taking one.

Unspoken standards are unfair in a specific way: the person is being judged against a rule they were never given. It happens in workplaces, in families and in new relationships, where someone quietly notes how you handled something and reaches a verdict you had no chance to argue. Even a reasonable expectation becomes a trap when it stays private until it is broken. Telling people what matters to you costs one awkward sentence and prevents a lot of quiet disappointment.

If you are keeping score about something, say it plainly before the next occasion. Give the expectation while it can still be met.