A person grieving should not have to make their sadness comfortable for visitors.

Grief often comes with an unwanted second job. Visitors arrive uneasy, and the person in the middle of the loss ends up managing their discomfort, reassuring them, keeping the conversation bearable, producing a version of sadness that is easier to be around. It is exhausting work at the worst possible time, and it is almost never asked for out loud.

If you visit someone in loss, bring your own steadiness rather than needing theirs. Let silence sit, let tears happen without hurrying to fix them, and do not require an update. Saying that you do not need entertaining, and then leaving on time, can be a real kindness.