Some scars are proof that pain arrived with instructions and you actually read them.

Some pain arrives with something useful inside it, and whether you got that part depends on whether you were able to look at what happened rather than only endure it. Reading the instructions is not the same as being glad it happened, and it does not mean the experience was deserved or necessary. It just means something was salvaged. That salvage is entirely to your credit.

When you feel ready, ask what a past difficulty actually taught you that you now use. Give it a plain name, whether it is a boundary you now hold or a pattern you now recognise. Some things carry no lesson at all, and that is not a failure on your part.