The true way to mourn the dead is to take care of the living who belong to them.

Grief looks for something to do, and here is the most useful place to put it. What they cared about is still here in the people they loved, and turning toward those people is both a kindness and a way of carrying something forward. It does not lessen the loss or stand in for feeling it. It gives the love somewhere to go.

If someone you know has died, look at who else is missing them and be steady for one of them. Practical help outlasts sympathy: the meal, the lift, the call in three months when everyone else has stopped calling. And let others do the same for you.