I can forgive, but I cannot forget, is only another way of saying, I will not forgive. Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note - torn in two, and burned up, so that it never can be shown against one.

Holding the memory in reserve is a way of keeping the debt open. You say the matter is settled, but you have filed the evidence where you can reach it, and the next argument will find it there. Real forgiveness gives up the right to use what happened, which is what makes it hard and what makes it worth something. Forgetting the facts is not required; giving up the hold it gives you is.

Notice the grievance you bring out when you are losing. Ask whether you actually want to release it, and if you do not, at least stop calling the matter closed.