Old wounds make great teachers and terrible bosses.

What hurt you taught you something real, and that knowledge is worth keeping. The trouble starts when the hurt stops advising and starts deciding, choosing your friends, your risks and your silences without consulting you. A teacher offers a lesson you can apply or set aside. A boss just issues orders and does not explain.

The next time you say no fast and hard, ask whether the answer came from now or from before. You do not have to override it, only to hear where it came from. Let a small decision this week be made by the person you are currently.