“That pass was late” fixes the pass. “You’re so slow” breaks the player. Coach the move.
LEADERSHIP
WHAT THIS MEANS
Criticism aimed at an action gives someone something to change. Criticism aimed at a person gives them something to be, and they will either believe it or defend against it, neither of which improves anything. The same underlying point lands completely differently depending on whether it describes a behavior or a character.
Check whether your sentence contains a verb or an adjective before you correct anyone. Say what happened and what would be better next time, in that order. Keep your opinion of the person out of it entirely, including the flattering version.
A QUESTION TO SIT WITH
When did criticism aim at you instead of your work?
MORE IN LEADERSHIP & INFLUENCE
- Recruit people better than you at something. Insecure captains pick weaker teammates and wonder why they lose.
- Peer pressure is a tool. The friend who makes studying look normal is using it for good.
- Settling a fight between your siblings without picking a winner is advanced diplomacy. Most adults can’t do it.
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