Want a friend who checks in, remembers birthdays and keeps secrets? Start by being one. Supply creates demand.

Hoping to be chosen puts your social life in someone else’s hands. The qualities you want in a friend are things you can start doing tomorrow without permission, and doing them tends to pull the same behavior back. It also means you stop keeping score of who initiated.

Pick one of those behaviors and run it for a month. Note two birthdays, send the message you would like to receive, be the one who asks a follow-up question. Some of it will not be returned, and enough of it will.