The boat moves fastest when the rowers stop fighting each other’s timing. Same with families under stress.

A crew out of time is working hard and going slowly, because effort applied against each other simply cancels out. Households do the same under strain. Everybody is trying, the trying collides, and the energy goes into the friction rather than the problem. The fix is rarely more effort; it is agreeing on a rhythm, which is far less dramatic and considerably more effective.

Look for one piece of timing at home that could be agreed rather than argued. When dinner is, who does what on which night, when the house goes quiet. Suggest it as a schedule rather than a complaint, and give it a week.