A spooked horse isn’t calmed by yelling. Neither is a scared friend.

Fear does not respond to volume. A frightened animal reads your body long before your words, and a frightened person is much the same: they take in your tone, your speed, how close you are standing. Pushing harder when someone is already overwhelmed just adds you to the list of things they are managing.

The next time a friend is panicking about an exam or a fight at home, slow down before you say anything useful. Lower your voice, sit rather than stand, and let a few seconds pass without filling them. Ask one small question and wait for the whole answer.