The voice in your head that’s harsh after a loss usually sounds like someone else. You can stop quoting them.

The cruel voice following a defeat usually has a source. Listen to the wording and you can often hear a particular coach, parent or old teammate, because the phrases are borrowed rather than yours. That matters: a line you absorbed from somebody having a bad day is not a fact about you, and repeating it keeps it alive.

Next time it starts, listen to how it is phrased and ask whose voice that is. Say the same thing in your own words and see whether you still agree with it. Most of the time you will find you are quoting a judgement you would never make about a friend.