Loss changes the meaning of “never again” in ways language struggles to carry.

Some phrases only become real after loss. Never again is an easy thing to say and an almost impossible thing to hold, because the mind cannot fully picture a door that will not open at any point in the remaining decades. The idea keeps needing to be relearned, which is part of why grief repeats. Language gives you the words long before you can carry what they mean.

Do not expect to grasp the permanence all at once, and do not judge yourself for needing to learn it again. Take it in the sizes it comes in. Understanding a thing like this happens in installments.