Before you change for someone, ask whether you’d still want to change if they left. That’s your answer.

The question works by removing the audience. As long as the person is standing there, you cannot tell your own wanting apart from the wish to be approved of, because both produce the same behaviour. Take them out of the picture and the answer usually appears instantly, which is itself the information.

So ask it before you start, not after three months: would I still want this if they moved away tomorrow. If the answer is yes, go ahead and do not mention it to them for a while. If it is no, you have saved yourself a long detour.