A lot of growing up in your twenties is unlearning the stuff that protected you at fifteen.

Habits get built for the situation you were in. Going quiet, making a joke before anybody else can, never needing help, keeping people at arm’s length: each of those probably did a job at fifteen. The difficulty is that they stay on after the situation ends, and then protect you from things that are no longer trying to hurt you.

Pick one of your automatic moves and ask what it was for. Then ask whether the thing it defends against is still in the room. Try the opposite once this week, somewhere low stakes, and see what happens.