What your family normalized may look very different after leaving it.

Normal is defined locally. A level of shouting, a level of silence, a way of handling money or illness or affection can seem completely unremarkable until you spend time in another household and realize it was not standard at all. Distance is what gives you the comparison. That recognition can be disorienting, and it is also the beginning of being able to choose.

Spend real time in other people’s homes and notice what they do differently. Not to grade anyone, only to widen the sample. What you see there tells you which of your assumptions were universal and which were local.