Pick your battle, then your moment, then your words. In that order.

Most arguments go badly because the order gets reversed, with the words arriving first, usually at a moment nobody chose, over something that may not have been worth it. Deciding whether this is the fight comes before deciding when, and when comes before what. Each step makes the next one shorter and easier.

Answer the three in order on paper the next time you can see a confrontation coming. Ask whether it is worth it, then work out when they are fed, rested and not surrounded by people. Then write two sentences rather than a speech, and say only those.