If you’re always the one apologizing, figure out if you’re the problem or just the peacekeeper.

Apologising first is sometimes maturity and sometimes a habit of absorbing blame. The two look identical from outside, and the way to tell them apart is to ask whether you were actually wrong. A peacekeeper says sorry to end the discomfort, which works immediately and teaches everybody that the fault is yours by default. One of those patterns is generosity, and the other quietly rearranges the truth.

Next time you reach for an apology, pause and name what you are sorry for. If you cannot find it, try saying you want things to be okay instead. Keeping the word sorry for things you did makes it mean something again.