Loyalty to your school, team or crew is great until it asks you to treat outsiders like they’re less.

Belonging feels good partly because it draws a line, and the line is where the trouble starts. A group can be close without needing somebody to look down on, but the cheap version of closeness always uses an outsider. You can usually spot the moment it tips, when the jokes stop being about your own side. Loyalty that requires contempt is not loyalty to much.

Notice whether your group is funny about itself or only about other people. Be the one who does not join that particular joke, which is awkward for a few seconds. You can be as committed as anyone and still be civil to the away team.