Hold your friends to the standard you’d want held for you. Not a higher one.

Holding people to a stricter rule than you keep is a way of staying comfortable. If the bar is impossibly high, everybody fails it, and you get to feel let down while never examining your own record. The honest version is symmetrical: you forgive the lateness you commit, the forgetting you do, the apology you need two days to find. Anything else is scorekeeping dressed as having standards.

Pick the thing that annoys you most about a friend and ask whether you have done it this year. If you have, say less about it. If you have not, you can still ask for a change without making it a trial.