Not meaning to hurt someone doesn’t mean they’re not hurt. Start there.

Intention and effect are two separate facts, and only one of them is in the room with the other person. You know you meant no harm, which makes the hurt feel like a misunderstanding to clear up, while they are simply dealing with the hurt. Leading with your intention asks them to look after your conscience first.

Start with what landed, not with what you meant. Say you can see it hurt and that you are sorry it did, and let the explanation wait until they want it. That order is often the whole difference between an apology that works and one that does not.