A friendship should have room for visits that do not require hosting a perfect evening.

Hospitality can quietly raise the price of seeing each other. Once a visit means tidying, cooking, and producing an occasion, the friendship starts requiring a free weekend and a good week, and so months pass between meetings that used to be casual. The effort is usually offered out of affection, but the effect is a higher barrier. Closeness generally comes from frequency rather than from quality of evening.

Invite someone over on a day when the house is a mess and say so in advance. Offer whatever is already in the kitchen. If you are the guest, arrive with something and stay out of the tidiness question entirely.