Children need examples of adults solving disagreements without asking them to choose a side.

Most of what children learn about conflict comes from watching rather than from being told. If the disagreements they see either vanish behind closed doors or arrive as a request for their loyalty, they are left with two options: pretend nothing is wrong, or pick someone. Neither teaches how two people who disagree can stay on good terms.

Let some ordinary disagreements happen and resolve in front of them. Say when you were wrong within earshot. Never ask a child which of you is right, even lightly, even as a joke.