The first brave act is often admitting what you actually want.

Admitting what you want is exposing. Once it is said, it can be refused, mocked, or simply not happen, and staying vague protects you from all of that. That is why so many people can describe what they do not want in detail and go silent when asked what they actually hope for.

Try writing down what you want, plainly, with no qualifiers and no reasons attached, for your eyes only. Notice the urge to soften it. That urge is the fear this is describing. Saying it clearly to yourself is the first move, and everything practical becomes possible only after it.