A question asked sincerely can lower defenses that accusations strengthen.

An accusation gives the other person something to defend, and defence is incompatible with reflection. A sincere question does the opposite: it leaves nothing to push back against and invites them into the problem rather than positioning them against you. The difference is often only in the phrasing.

When you are about to say what someone did wrong, try asking about it instead. What was happening for you there, or how did you see it. This only works if you actually want to know, since a question used as a weapon is heard as one, and rightly.